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BDSM Checklist for Couples: Cover Everything Before Your First Scene
A comprehensive, printable checklist covering limits, activities, preferences, and essential disclosures for thorough scene negotiation.
Read Negotiation GuideHow to Use This Checklist
- Print or save this checklist
- Review each section independently first
- Discuss together and mark yes/no/maybe for each item
- Have follow-up conversations about maybes
- Revisit this checklist before new scenes or after significant dynamics shifts
Physical Limits & Boundaries
| Activity/Category | Hard Limit (No) | Soft Limit (Maybe) | Interested (Yes) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Bondage / Restraint | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Rope bondage | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Cuffs or straps | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Chastity device | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Bondage cage (confinement) | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| St. Andrews Cross / furniture | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Impact play / spanking | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Hand spanking | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Paddle / implements | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Flogging / whipping | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Sensation play / temperature | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Ice / cold sensation | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Wax play / heat | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Scratching / nails | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Biting | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Pinching / pinwheel | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Breath play / choking | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Gagging / gag use | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Sensory deprivation / blindfold | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Genital play / cock & ball torture (CBT) | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Pegging / strap-on | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Anal play | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Facesitting / queening | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Milking / prostate massage | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Orgasm control / denial | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
Psychological / Emotional Limits
| Activity | Hard Limit | Soft Limit | Interested |
|---|---|---|---|
| Humiliation / degradation | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Public humiliation | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Name-calling / insults | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Objectification | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Verbal abuse | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Role play / pretend scenarios | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Non-consent role play (CNC) | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Age play / little space | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Daddy Domme / caregiver dynamic | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Pet play / animal play | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Worship / servitude | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Financial domination / control | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Punishment scenarios | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Forced orgasm / orgasm denial | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
| Interrogation / threat scenarios | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
Furniture & Equipment (HIB Products)
| Equipment | Hard Limit | Soft Limit | Interested | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| ASSTRONAUT (Queening/Face-Sit) | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | |
| MILKER CLASSIC (Milking Table) | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | |
| MILKER MASTER | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | |
| IN-CELL (Bondage Cage) | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | |
| X-POSITION (St. Andrews Cross) | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | |
| SEX BLANKET (Waterproof / Comfort) | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] | |
| SEX TOY BOX (Storage) | [ ] | [ ] | [ ] |
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Shop All ProductsDuration & Intensity Preferences
| Aspect | Preference |
|---|---|
| Preferred scene duration | [ ] 15-30 min [ ] 30-60 min [ ] 1-2 hours [ ] 2+ hours |
| Intensity level preferred | [ ] Light [ ] Moderate [ ] Intense [ ] Varies |
| Preferred frequency of scenes | [ ] Weekly [ ] Bi-weekly [ ] Monthly [ ] As desired |
| Time of day preferred | [ ] Morning [ ] Afternoon [ ] Evening [ ] Night |
Safeword & Communication
| Element | Agreement |
|---|---|
| Primary safeword | _________________ |
| Traffic light system preferred? | [ ] Yes [ ] No |
| Yellow (caution) word/signal | _________________ |
| Red (stop) word/signal | _________________ |
| Non-verbal safeword (if applicable) | _________________ |
| Check-in frequency desired | [ ] Every 5 min [ ] Every 10 min [ ] As needed [ ] Rarely |
| Preferred check-in method | [ ] Verbal [ ] Gesture [ ] Continuous signal |
Health & Medical Disclosures
| Item | Disclosure |
|---|---|
| Current injuries or pain areas | _________________ |
| Recent surgery or recovery | _________________ |
| Chronic pain conditions | _________________ |
| Current medications (relevant ones) | _________________ |
| Allergies (esp. to materials) | _________________ |
| Heart condition or circulatory issues | [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Details: ______ |
| Asthma / breathing concerns | [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Details: ______ |
| Trauma history (relevant to play) | [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Discussed: [ ] |
| Mental health considerations | _________________ |
Triggers & Sensitivities
| Potential Trigger | Is This a Trigger? | How to Handle |
|---|---|---|
| Specific language / words | [ ] Yes [ ] No | _________________ |
| Specific scenarios or roles | [ ] Yes [ ] No | _________________ |
| Racial, cultural, or religious content | [ ] Yes [ ] No | _________________ |
| Anything related to past trauma | [ ] Yes [ ] No | _________________ |
| Loss of control in certain ways | [ ] Yes [ ] No | _________________ |
| Physical sensations (specific) | [ ] Yes [ ] No | _________________ |
Aftercare Preferences
| Aftercare Element | Preference |
|---|---|
| Immediate physical contact after scene | [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Optional |
| Cuddling / holding desired | [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Optional |
| Verbal reassurance needed | [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Optional |
| Water / hydration needed | [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Optional |
| Snacks / food needed | [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Optional |
| Warm blanket / comfort items | [ ] Yes [ ] No [ ] Optional |
| Time alone vs. time together | _________________ |
| Preferred aftercare duration | [ ] 10 min [ ] 30 min [ ] 1 hour [ ] 2+ hours |
| Debrief timing (how soon after?) | [ ] Immediate [ ] Hours later [ ] Next day |
Relationship Context
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| How long have you been together? | _________________ |
| BDSM experience level (both partners) | [ ] None [ ] Some [ ] Experienced |
| Do you have safewords established from past experience? | [ ] Yes [ ] No |
| Are you establishing a permanent dynamic or playing scene-by-scene? | [ ] Dynamic [ ] Scene-based [ ] Both |
| Is anyone new to BDSM? | [ ] Yes [ ] No |
| Do you have community support / trusted people to talk to? | [ ] Yes [ ] No |
Follow-Up Conversations
After completing this checklist, schedule follow-up conversations for any items marked "soft limit" or "maybe." These require deeper discussion:
- Why is it a soft limit? What are the concerns?
- What would make it feel safer?
- What specific modifications would be necessary?
- Are you willing to try it, or would you prefer to skip it?
Frequently Asked Questions
What should be on a BDSM checklist?
A comprehensive checklist covers: physical activities and limits, psychological or emotional limits, hard and soft limits, safewords, health disclosures, triggers, aftercare preferences, furniture/equipment, relationship context, and communication preferences. This checklist covers all of these areas.
How do you use a BDSM checklist with a new partner?
Print or share the checklist. Have each person complete it independently first, then discuss together. Talking through each section helps partners understand each other's desires and boundaries. Use the checklist as a starting point for deeper conversations, especially about soft limits and triggers.
Should you use a checklist with a long-term partner too?
Yes. Even established partners should revisit the checklist periodically because preferences and limits can change. If you have not discussed something in a while, reviewing the checklist together ensures both partners are on the same page and nothing has shifted.
Are BDSM checklists legally binding?
No. BDSM checklists are not legal documents. They are tools for communication and negotiation. They help clarify consent but are not enforceable. The real agreement is the ongoing, enthusiastic consent of both partners and the ability to revoke consent via safeword at any time.
What if we disagree on items?
Disagreements are valuable. They show where you have different interests or concerns. Discuss why one person is interested and the other is hesitant. Often you can find compromises (modifying intensity, adding safety precautions, or deciding to skip it for now). If you genuinely cannot agree, do not force the activity.
Can we modify the checklist?
Absolutely. This checklist is a template. Add or remove items that are relevant to your specific interests and dynamic. The goal is comprehensive communication, not adherence to any particular list.